Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
