another moral hangover. fuck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
