Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
