If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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