If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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