i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
