you will always have a special place in my vag
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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