The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
