it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
