I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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