im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
