my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize