haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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