My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize