i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
