you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
