I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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