I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
