420 ftw
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
