He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
