people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
