I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
