I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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