I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
