you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
