This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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