i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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