Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
