You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
