So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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