I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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