Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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