either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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