goodnight i made you a song goodbye
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
