I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
