I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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