how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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