I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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