You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
