fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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