Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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