You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
