So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
