Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize