Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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