he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
