On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
