i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
