You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
