it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's blow job season.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
