I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
