quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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