All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
two words...techno handjob
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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