So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
