well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
