Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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