she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
