Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
