I cannot find my penis.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
