But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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