listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
