I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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