Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
