when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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