well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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