So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
