Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
