i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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