are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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