Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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