Redeem this text for a blowjob
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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