He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
