party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
