we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
