Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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