she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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