I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
