she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
