shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
