Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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