I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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