Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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