what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
