i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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