I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
