Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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