Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
