You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
