New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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