dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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