At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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