one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
