My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
